I’m not a huge watcher of TV. We cancelled cable years ago after we grew weary of clicking through hundreds of channels without finding anything of any worth to watch. That, and the egregious commercials that seemed to get louder and longer over the years with their continual contempt for audiences.
With the advent of streaming TV, I now watch a few shows online, without any of the obnoxious commercials. With time becoming more precious as I age, I’m pretty selective in my choices. I was never really one for shitty sitcoms, especially those with laugh tracks, so my viewing of comedic shows is pretty low. I hate-watch Girls because my husband likes it (inexplicably, since he hates all the characters), the same goes for New Girl, and sometimes I catch a random episode of Modern Family. My preference is for adult dramas like The Good Wife, Homeland, Suits, Southland, American Horror Story, and Dexter. Throw in the occasional Top Chef, and I’m happy.
Of course, like most of the things I enjoy, the addition of a good sex scene is always welcome. They can’t be too gratuitous, or the suspension of my disbelief comes to a grinding halt. On the flipside, if there’s too much tension created between two characters with little payoff, my attention span also begins to wane. Sex scenes on TV are like dark chocolate: not too much, not too little, but just enough strikes the right balance.
Since that suspension of disbelief only stretches so far, there are always triggers within a sex scene that will pull me out. The biggest one I’ve noticed is the lack of contraception use, and cavalier sex without physical repercussions. Sure, there’s always the characters’ consideration of emotional consequence that will arise should they finally get to the actual deed. That drama can and often plays before, during, and after the act. But for most of the TV I watch, I have yet to see even half a second devoted to the use of safe practices during sex. No quick bite off a condom wrapper as a character whips off her panties, no mention of ‘should we use one/do you have one?’, not even a corner of a wrapper peeking out from the array of discarded clothes on the floor, in the typical post-coitus shot so often used as a TV trope.
While the topic may be central to some teen dramas like Degrassi or 90210, it certainly isn’t in adult programming. Hannah fucking complete stranger Joshua in Girls. Nancy fucking her suitors in Weeds. Mike fucking Rachel in Suits. President Fitz fucking Olivia in Scandal. Hank fucking anyone in Californication or Damien doing the same on an international scale in Strikeback. It seems that Hollywood chooses to completely ignore consequences related to unsafe sex, like it’s a non-issue. This is ridiculous to me.
We look to media like TV for any number of things. A good laugh, something to escape to, characters to aspire or, at least, relate to. Our lives and TV’s representation of it are not mutually exclusive. It’s a meter of our culture and should bear some responsibility in how it reflects or shapes us.
There have been some minor strides from an organization in the US called The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. Though it sounds like an anti-sex, pro-abstinence advocacy group, it’s quite the opposite — they sponsor commercial spots that acknowledge premarital and promote safe sex, and one of their industry mandates is to work with TV writers to include safe practices without being heavy handed, or having to rely on obvious product placement. Shows include New Girl, The Mindy Project and Glee. While I haven’t seen any of the shows they have worked with, it appears to be a step in the right direction. I only wish their roster was more robust, with a longer list of shows under their belt. TV writers and show runners need to realize that it really doesn’t take more than a half-second glimpse of a condom wrapper to help promote safe practices. If Mike had just whipped one out of his thousand-dollar suit pocket and made Rachel rip it open with her teeth, I still would have found the scene as sexy as intended. Maybe I’m old, but I find safe sex pretty sexy. The possible consequences, not so much.
While sex education is still extremely poor in our school systems (Ontario is still using a 1998 curriculum because some parents and critical groups freaked out over a modernized update), media has surpassed any proper teachings on the subject of sex, safe or otherwise. Things have changed quite a bit in 15 years, and with high enough percentages of unplanned pregnancy and sexually transmitted infection, media and schools are doing a terrible job of playing socially responsible catch-up. While we await what our new Premier, Kathleen Wynne, will do about an updated school curriculum, it would be nice to see at least some safe sex practiced on TV. I’m certainly being proactive in teaching sex ed to my ten-year old, but in a completely wired 21st Century, it’s difficult when everyone else is either ignoring it or teaching the opposite. And when some people closer to my age still need to be reminded not to be idiots, it would prove beneficial for our pop culture to reference something to jog their memories.
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Got a question about sex in art, relationships, parenting? Send Sonya a note at dearmadame@torontostandard.com. Anonymity assured.
Sonya JF Barnett, also known as “The Madame,” is the founder of an erotic arts community called The Keyhole Sessions and the co-founder of SlutWalk Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @KeyholeSessions.
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