April 19, 2014
December 17, 2013
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My Ranked Ballot
Thirty seven very serious mayoral candidates

Ranked Ballots are the latest electoral reform being bandied about in Toronto. Ranked Ballot Initiative of Toronto (RaBIT), led by activist Dave Meslin and backed by City Councilor Paul Ainslie, wants to let Toronto voters submit a ranked list of their preferred candidates in our future municipal elections. If no candidate wins on first choice votes alone, the candidate with the lowest number of votes is eliminated and their supporters’ second choice is counted toward the totals. This instant runoff continues until one candidate achieves a 50-percent-plus-one majority. The main argument in favour of ranked ballots is that it would ensure winners truly represented the will of the electorate and it would elimate the need for strategic voting.

Toronto Standard fully endorses the idea of ranked ballots, as we have always felt that only being able to vote for a single candidate has limited our ability to express our values in the political realm. There are so many people who would make incredible leaders and voting for just one has never felt right. As such, we’ve assembled a list of what our ranked ballot would look like if a municipal election were to be held in Toronto today.

1. Black Lesbian Teenager!

2. Fine, (sigh) Old White Guy…

3. Someone who looks and acts like Jian Ghomeshi but in no way, shape or form do I want the actual Jian Ghomeshi

4. Anybody who said they were too busy to run for mayor

5. A much-loved, accomplished person’s yet-unproven eldest son

6. Mike “Pinball” Clemons

7. Any other available former CFL coach

8. Whoever writes the Toronto Sun headlines

9. Whoever paints the Honest Ed’s signs

10. Whoever decided that everyone should be eating more tacos

11. Wonderdick

12. A Kid In The Hall (Preferably Mark McKinney but Scott Thompson would be good too)

13. Margaret Atwood

14. Drake

15. The guy who played Snake on Degrassi

16. Tallest union-backed pinko

17. Loudest business-friendly blue-blood

18. Squirreliest political party insider

19. Dreadlockiest drum circle participant

20. My dad, probably

21. Heck, my neighbour’s kid, even!

22. SPUD the graffiti guy

23. Mark the litter guy

24. Igor the bike guy

25. Whichever farm animal has sold the most condos

26. The Cashman

27. The Loan Arranger

28. Russell The Repairman

29. Silver Elvis

30. Toronto Batman

31. Chalkmaster Dave

32. Jason from the Dean Blundell Show

33. Mocha

34. Roz

35. A Much Music VJ Search Runner-up

36. The first person to retweet my joke about the Olympics

37. Whoever the Illuminati prefer I guess


Michael Kolberg is The Sprawl Editor at Toronto Standard. Follow him on Twitter for jokes @mikeykolberg

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandard and subscribe to our Newsletter.

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