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A Remarkable Life!: Lactating Men, Part-Time Frankensteins & Haunted Grandchilden
Unbelievable bios behind everyday faces

Everyday we see thousands of faces. But what are the stories behind those faces? Kathleen Phillips gives her best estimate.

Photo by Kristan Klimczak

Tibor Garabaldi – Canada’s own Lactating Man!

When Tibor’s wife, Hannah gave birth to twin boys, he saw how overwhelmed she was with constant feeding and breast pumping and wanted to help. Tibor studied a book by Balkar Jagpal, a man from Pakistan who claims he nursed one hundred motherless infants at an orphanage where he worked as a custodian. Jagpal’s story inspired Tibor to train his own body to produce milk. He stimulated his nipples for three hours each day with an electric neck massager. After a month, Tibor was breastfeeding his sons. Though he’s happy he can help, Tibor admits, “If I found out my father breast fed me, I think I’d kill myself. But hopefully by the time my boys are grown, lactating men will be everywhere.”

Photo by Kristan Klimczak

David Wroczik – Paging Dr. Frankenstein

When furniture warehouse king and previous doi-yoi Toronto Mayor, Mel Lastman approached Wroczik to develop a method of reanimating dead flesh in order to create a special force of unpaid zombie police, Wroczik replied, “But I just deliver furniture.” After the arrival of a cadaver in a refrigerator box to his back door, Wroczik finally agreed to give it a shot. He sawed off the top of the subject’s head with an electric carving knife and replaced the brain with a cabbage. For reasons beyond scientific explanation, the body came alive. However, this Frankenstein/Kids in the Hall tribute zombie that Wroczik named, “David-Too” was not cut out for enforcement. David-Too was nothing short of a miracle, but he was also super stupid, but also just the sweetest guy. David-Too lived in the care of Wroczik until he died again for obviously every reason.

Photo by Kristan Klimczak

Jeremy Pritchard – Ghost Busted!

Ever been sitting on the toilet or making love to a stranger and wondered, “Can my dead grandparents see me?” The answer could be, YES! At least it is for Jeremy Prichard. Jeremy says his grandparents are with him 24/7, watching and nagging from beyond the grave. “The first time was year ago. I was hanging out in my bathroom and when I was done I saw, “You’ll go blind doing that!” written in A-5 3-5 on the mirror.” Since then, Jeremy’s grandparents have been awkwardly intervening on a regular basis. “If I smoke pot, Popps makes the walls bleed. If I bring a girl home Nana makes my place stink like eggs.” Jeremy understands his grandparents are trying to guide him wisely, but admits he wishes Dan Akroyd was real ( a Ghostbuster) and could just make them disappear. Jeremy says, “It would be better if they didn’t watch at me be naked as much.”

____

Kathleen Phillips is a writer and comedian based in Toronto. Follow her on Twitter @kathophillips.

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