Sorry for the lateness of this recap. For the first time since Drafted aired on television LAST YEAR, I missed the live version and had to resort to watching it online….and it was posted 2 days after the fact. Gah! But just for that, I had more time to think of nicknames. And came up empty. Again, my apologies.
My favourite part of ‘Last time on Drafted’ is Andrew letting us know that, in his honest opinion, he thinks he should win this thing. I’ve yet to watch ANY reality contest show where a competitor says “You know what? Screw it, I’m not here to win. It’s too much of an effort.” Is it confidence or pure redundancy? Your pick Andy.
This episode’s challenge is having each finalist co-host a Backhand Shelf podcast with Jackie and Rob Pizzo. We’re treated to a quick clip of Matty D and his crazy eyes letting us know that keeping the chatter down to a 10-minute podcast is going to be tough. As a proclaimed chat-monkey, I agree. They get to choose an NHL division to talk about and have to give a season preview for next year.
Since Nate won the challenge last week, he gets to pick a division first and goes with North West apparently because of the Oilers. Andrew takes the North East division, Matty takes Atlantic, Ray takes Pacific, Nasr takes central and Chris is left with South East and I’m sure all this information means something to someone somewhere.
It’s kind of fun to see the contestants all researching their respective divisions sitting at a long table with the glow of their laptops illuminating their all-in-fun ribbing. We’re also treated to a quick clip of Matty D professing some serious man love towards Nate and that jawline. Swoon, amIrite Matty?
The challenge begins with Nate guesting on Backhand Shelf first across from Jackie and Pizzo’s eyelashes.
Now, let’s stop here for a second. I’m admittedly at a loss when it comes to serious sports analysis. If we’re talking endorsements, celebrity spouses, bad hair, or muscle mass, I’m on it. Questions about trades, career highlights or statistical win theories tend to lose me exceptionally quickly. So for your sake (because you’re a bunch of judgers) I’ll stick to the judges thoughts.
Judges on Nate: Made obvious statements and mentioned facts everyone is already aware of. Acted more like a guest/expert than a co-host.
Andrew is next and totally DOES look like he’s going to throw up all over his thirty pages of notes. He keeps talking until his mouth goes dry and we’re all subjected to those noises of recollecting spit that make me want to tear my hair out.
Judges on Andrew: Broke down the Bruins in a fantastic way. Did a great job. A lot of what he was saying made a lot of sense.
Matty D goes next and Pizzo notes right away that he’s comfortable and just seems like he wants to have a conversation. Is it just me or have we seen way more of Matty talking to the cameras than any other contestant? He’s practically a second host at this point.
Pizzo actually corrects Matty when he mentions that the New York Rangers recently picked up Biron when he’s been on the team for a while now. Even Cam in the control room calls it out too. Ouch. All the guys watching inwardly cringe and Nasr comments to the camera that maybe Matty doesn’t deserve the job. But Matty serves it right back by calling a melt down at the mistake ‘a Nasr”. SNAP. Put a glass of pinot in their hands and this is an episode of The Real Housewives of The Score.
Judges on Matty: Has a lot of energy. He’s actually listening to what everyone is saying and responding to it directly. It sounds like a real conversation. He’s comfortable. He brought good ideas and that’s what a radio show is all about.
Ray is next and has even mentioned beforehand that he’s not super comfortable talking about hockey. I hear ya dude. Almost right away the judges are doubting his analogies and having his mentions of “I think” called out. Hoooooooboy.
Judges on Ray: It doesn’t feel comfortable. It feels rehearsed. The word is vanilla. If I heard this on the radio, the channel would be changed.
Nasr comes on and calls broadcasting and sports just so second nature to him. Since this online show is a few days late, I’ve looked at Twitter and (spoiler alert!) know that he’s going to come out on top. Snark shall be contained.
Judges on Nasr: He sounds so obviously young. Doing better than Ray (zing!). Started off slow but getting better. He’s getting stronger.
Chris is last and right away Pizzo notes that even his handshake feels nervous. His voice wavers a little at the beginning but gets a bit more comfortable the more he talks. Personally I think he sounds way younger than Nasr.
Judges on Chris: He looks uncomfortable but definitely has the knowledge. Could talk hockey with the best of them but sometimes stumbled over words.
Possibly the most soul-crushing aspect of this show is that the guys are able to watch Greg, Cam and Renee talk about how they did. Or at least I hope it’ll be soul-crushing. This challenge is being graded on two parts: knowledge and presentation. Chris is beyond happy with the statement that “no one embarrassed themselves” because he’s totally included in that group!
INTENSE POUNDING MUSIC WITH OMINOUS JUDGE COMMENTS OVER IT
Overall performances are as follows from best to worst: Nasr, Andrew, Chris, Matt, Ray and then Nate.
Nate is confused because he was cool like a cucumber but the judges say they wanted more from him and sensed a little discomfort. Ray says he thinks he should have at least been top 3 and I laugh myself into a coronary. Matty is told he’s a great listener, but is having serious issues coming to terms with his place in 4th. Renee says that she’s happy that Chris’s personality showed up to the show. Too bad it’s yet to make an appearance anywhere else… until he snipes that Andrew wasn’t as great as everyone thinks. Sassy. Matty and Nate are equally mopey about Andrew’s second place finish and it’s kind of awesome how grumpy they are. I assume foot stomping and pouting was cut out of the broadcast. Andrew himself lets us know that he’s just trying to work on himself. Oh, and wants world peace or whatever.
My amazing producer lady lets Nasr know that he can stop primping before taking the stage. I hope she gets a spin off.
Nasr won and most people seem to agree but are also all making pained, “I can’t believe this is happening” faces. Reaction faces are my life by the way. Incredulous sighs are a close second. Nasr comments that he’s going to be here until the last day and I do my own incredulous sigh because no kidding dude. They took out the elimination aspect of this thing. You’ll ALL be here on the last day.
Who do I have to talk to about getting a makeover episode? Some eyebrows really need to be addressed.
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Bianca Teixeira writes about bunches of things. Follow her on Twitter at @BeeLauraTee.
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