This week Gillette’s Drafted gets a serious smattering of DRAMA. They guys are off on a plane to Boston after being given less than 24 hours notice and a list of what to pack. Just a note to The Score’s producers: be happy I wasn’t a contestant, I’m currently working with a therapist over my issues with extreme over-packing syndrome. One day trip? No problem. Two suitcases and an extra one for shoes should cover me. Better pack a carry-on duffle just in case!
Quick side note: When Nasr was rattling off all the cool teams that reside in Boston (sports knowledge!) did anyone else totally feel a Bill Cosby vibe? No? Whatever, no imagination.
The guys have been given their last challenge: produce a show in which one person is the host, two are analysts, and three are going to be field reporters. Since Matty won the last challenge, he gets to assign every role to someone. And he did.
Matty: Host
Analysts: Andrew and Chris
Field Reporters: Nasr, Nate, and Ray
The guys get on their plane, Chris does an inner happy dance over short bread cookies and I mentally let the people at The Score know that if ‘sleeping Jackie’ is the only time we get to see her, I’m gonna get cranky.
Just as the guys reach Fenway Park, Matty decides to give their six-minute segment the theme of: Boston is the best sports city in North America. Possibly. Or maybe not if the others throw hissy fits.
Nasr is up first, doing a standup in Fenway about the Red Sox and deciding that he desperately needs a Fenway frank in the shot. Each of the guys tells the camera that Nasr is taking a big risk with the hotdog and a shot of a bloody sock (to call back Curt Schilling), but to be honest it’s not the worst. Except apparently he missed biting the actually hot dog and we’re treated to a shot of him angrily exclaiming “DAMNIT.”
Next the guys head to TD Garden where Nate and Ray do an uncomfortable first take that makes me want to smack Nate’s hand down while simultaneously daring Ray to sound less ingenuous if possible. The guys were given a strict 2-take rule. Ho boy. But, never fret, the guys pull it together in their second take and, in Matty’s words, “nail it.”
Another side note: Is there anything better than Matty talking about Nate’s perfect jawline. Dare I use the word bromance?
This episode is fast-paced and the guys are already on their way to their next spot, Gillette Stadium. The music during this two-second road trip is pretty great and since I haven’t seen her yet, I’m going to pretend Andrea was behind it. Hey girl!
At the stadium the guys need a minute to collect their thoughts and even I get it. They’re at the stadium where the Patriots play, touching the grass and seeing the Drafted logo on the big screen… it’s a huge moment. But then it passes and I wonder why no one has cried yet.
Andrew, Chris, and Matty are on camera this time, and they’ve decided to go unrehearsed and make their piece sound more conversational than anything else. They do a great job on the first take and blah blah blah, finally I see some tears!
Andrew is hunched over crying into his hands because he says the challenges are now over and he’s done all he can do to win this thing. He tells the camera that he just wants a moment to himself. By calling all attention to himself because he’s a six-foot-tall giant crunched into a ball in front of everyone. Classic trick. “No one pay any attention to me while I cry and call all the attention to myself!”
And then it’s like the flood gates open and Matty is crying too. But he’s standing up and doing it quietly, so don’t worry Andrew, we’re all still looking at you.
Chris starts to wonder aloud if his lack of man tears means something is wrong with him. I assume he means other than being an empty black hole devoid of emotions. Which right now makes him my favourite so no Chris, you’re just perfect.
Even Nasr is cradling a beam and weeping into his elbows. Yeesh. This makes me think of that Seinfeld episode where George is on the floor in his tighty-whities and Jerry quips “And YOU want to be my latex salesman?” I imagine all the producers from The Score watching these guys water the field with their face excretions saying “And these guys want to be our sports reporters?!” Remember to include a packet of tissues anytime they go out to an interview. Even Kelly Cutrone from the fashion world knew to tell us in her book “If you have to cry, go outside.”
We’re back in the studio and joining the judges from Gillette once again is Rob Chambers who they introduce right before watching the segment the finalists put together.
Right away I realize that I was confused by the layout. With Matty as the host, I had assumed he would do a standup alone but it starts right away with the on-camera stuff he did with Andrew and Chris.
Watching the guys do their thing….I have to admit, they’re all doing pretty good. With the guys at the stadium having a conversation and the two at TD Garden just chatting, I have a feeling Nasr’s part is going to feel super gimmicky. BUT my Spidey sense must be down because the judges loved it. They totally took into account that he was alone and unable to have a conversation with someone and all agreed that his bloody sock joke landed perfectly.
The judges also all loved Nate and Ray saying that the two were totally comfortable and conversational and just all around great.
Up on the chopping block next is Matty D as the segment’s executive producer and right away Greg admits that the topic (of the love and hate of the Boston sports teams) wasn’t the best. In the bullpen we’re treated to a shot of Matty looking like someone is winding up for a shot to the crotch. Greg goes on to say that during the stadium chatter, there wasn’t much to learn.
The judges start to call out the guys to talk about performance and they’re doing it from sixth place to first. First out (and in last place for the challenge) is Chris and a small piece of me hopes that the thing running through his mind is “I should have cried!!” He tells the judges that he’s grown as a person and they agree and I wonder why I haven’t noticed those cheekbones before.
Fifth place goes to Andrew. The judges ask what it would mean to him if he were to win this competition and I swear Miss America music is playing in the background. Say “World Peace,” Andrew! It’s always the right answer. Instead he starts to get teary again and tells us that he belongs here.
In fourth place is Matty who expected it after Andrew got fifth. They give him props for making solid choices as EP and ask him where this competition ranks in his life. Tito, hand me a tissue because here come the tears. This competition means everything to him, of course. Can just ONE person go up there and say “Ehhhhhh, I could take it or leave it?”
Third place is Nasr even though I know in my heart he’s a first place weeper. He tells the judges that there’s no one like him and this is what he does….expect it’s really just what he goes to school for and hasn’t actually done it for realsies yet. But no, I totally get it, carry on. He says to the camera that he’s the only one in this competition who is here 110% and just like Matty, I find myself pissed off. You’re 19, shut the f**k up and go back to a campus kegger.
Second place goes to Nate and good for him. Judges say he’s never been looser and more natural. They spend the time talking about his teacher-ness and how all “the kids” are voting for him from his hometown. Aw, no eleventh hour plea to work here. Nuts.
This of course means that Ray is in first place. He tells the judges that he’s the best candidate because he has a different look and would bring in different fans, ones who are casual fans. Gillette’s Rob tells him that it’s his personal style (the show’s theme!) that he’s brought to the game. And then Greg drops the word “swagger” and I almost laugh myself into a coma.
Next week is LIVE! So tune in and I’ll see you back here to mock, make fun of, and somewhat recap whatever happens.
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Bianca Teixeira writes about bunches of things. Follow her on Twitter at @BeeLauraTee.
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