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June 21, 2015
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Gillette Drafted Recap: Episode 5
Will no one mention the mammoth mustache in the room?

Sorry about the delayed recap. It’s currently Toronto Fashion Week and because of it I currently look like a (well-dressed) zombie. But as I’ve been watching gorgeous designs sashay down a runway I’ve been thinking about this week’s episode of Drafted. Let’s get into it.

As you know Matty D won last week’s ‘Game Changers’ challenge so he gets some kind of leg up this week. At the conference table, Jackie (wearing a yellow dress I gave her… so basically she’s styled by me today. Totally going on my resume) tells the guys that they will be interviewing an athlete in this challenge. We know that it’s NHLer Paul Bissonnette from the clips last week but Jackie starts off by saying their mystery guest has over 300K followers on Twitter, is a locker room DJ (alrighty) and is a total ladies man. The guys start calling out Paul Biz Nasty and Ray tells the camera he had no idea who that is. Sigh.

The guys are allotted five minutes with Bissonnette but because Matty won he gets an extra two minutes….that he can either keep or give away. Ooooooh, it’s like a movie plot. Oh, never mind he kept it.

Andrew (I know that’s you age-defying-Crispin Glover) asks how strict the five minutes is probably hoping Jackie will say something like “Oh we say five but we really mean up to ten.” This ain’t a nap Andrew.

Not even three minutes into the show and Andrea’s ‘voice of God’ rings out to say that breaking news about Lance Armstrong needs to be fit in at the top of the hour for The Score’s live news. I have no idea what this has to do with anything. Oh ok. The set is quickly changed from Drafted to Live at The Score where three on-air personalities (well hello Rob ‘Eyelashes’ Pizzo) are to deliver the news. The contestants stand at the side in awe of the mighty professionalism going on in front of them. Cute.

Then it’s back to business as usual and I come face to face with possibly the worst mustache I have ever seen. Bissonnette is here and I’m hoping someone will ask when the last time he saw his actual face was.

Matty D and his seven minutes in heaven is up first. He gains an immediate connection with Bissonnette and they talk about his high school life, the birth of Biz Nasty and mastering his style (the theme of this year’s Gillette Drafted. I see what you did there Matty). None of which is Ray’s ‘flavour’. Tragedy.

Bissonnette tells the camera that Matty’s questions flowed and it felt more like a conversation than an interview. Huzzah. But oh no! Just when Matty is pitching Bissonnette a TLC show where he is a lifestyle coach to others called ‘Get Classy With Biz Nasty” Andrea has to cut him off as he’s hit his seven-minute mark. That’s okay Andrea, we’re still gal pals!

Nate is next and starts the conversation by giving Bissonnette homemade mud flaps for his truck with a woman’s figure and his Twitter handle on them. Which Bissonnette later calls a little weird and deems regiftable. Nate uses his time to throw out random questions like ‘who has the best hair?’ ‘who would you want to party with’ and his Twitter feed. This does not go unnoticed by the judges nor Bissonnette who admits to the camera that he is starting to hate Twitter questions. Hoooo boy.

Andrew is next and the serious music starts playing because he has controversial questions! Dun dun daaaaa. The guys are back in the bullpen chattering about Andrew’s choice of questions and how it will all play out. Oooooh I like the tension. The very first topic broached is about how other people have questioned Bissonnette’s commitment to hockey, who’s opinion Bissonnette actually values and how he’s responded to those people. Everyone (Bissonnette included) mentions how this is a great question but Cam says maybe Andrew should have warmed up first. Andrew’s next question is “Do you care about scoring goals?” And I kinda love this interview now. Sassy questions! This turns into a serious, professional Piers Morgan-esque interview.

The topic Andrew lands on next has everyone wide eyed and slack jawed. Mentioning enforcers with depression and the suicide of Wade Belak, Andrew calls out similarities between Belak and Bissonnette and asks if (like Belak) Bissonnette is just putting on a happy, jokester façade. People are stunned into silence, the judges can’t believe it and Chris throws out the word ‘ballsy’. Cut to commercial.

We’re back and Bissonnette totally gets into the question and brings up possible reasons for depression among enforcers and how he himself gets frustrated but enjoys what he does. Forget Piers Morgan, this is Oprah material!

Chris is up next and starts off by asking how much luck goes into getting drafted in the NHL. As soon as Chris mentions Twitter I groan a little but he surprises me by asking what Bissonnette hates the most about it. Answer: people who beg for retweets. So don’t even think about it. Just as Andrea calls for the bars to take over the screen Chris smirks and asks for one last question: Would you take yourself in a fantasy league? Answer: No.

Both the judges and Bissonnette think Chris did a great job and the NHL-er even went as far as to say that Chris was one of the better interviewers.

Ray is next and has a pretty good intro except he can’t stop reading directly from his notes. But he does get in a good jab with a joke about their five minutes and Bissonnette’s average five minutes of ice-time. AND a jab about that mustache! Finally, the hairy elephant in the room is addressed!

Apparently Ray brought two sets of notes. Brilliant.

Andrea chimes in saying that Ray was great on time but not-so-great for everything else. Preach girl. Bissonnette calls him vanilla. You know who he wouldn’t dare call vanilla? Andrea.

Nasr is last and starts right away with Twitter presence and a quote from Jose Bautista. But he keeps talking to the point that Andrea shushes him! But I think the real problem that needed to be addressed was the aggressive arm movements. Strap Nasr’s arms down and I doubt he would have been able to get those questions out.

Taking a cue from Gillette sponsorship and the mammoth mustache in front of him Nasr asks the funny question ‘who’s got the best facial hair in the NHL’ and then totally lets the answer go without any kind of response. Fabulous reaction. At the end the judges comment that Nasr looked like a twelve year old kid while Bissonnette compared Nasr’s questions with his own hockey career. So, not good I’m led to believe.

After deliberations (where I find out that Bissonnette is a friggin’ giant!) the judges call out the finalists from worst to best. First out and in sixth place is Nate. Again. For the third week in a row. Ouch. The judges mention the gift and the disconnect between questions as the problem. Nate goes back to the bullpen and calls himself the whipping boy.

In fifth place is Ray which is surprising considering how bad I though Nasr did. Greg says Ray got lost in his notes and stopped making eye contact. Greg says if Ray had treated Bissonnette like a guest instead of a friend, it would have been an excellent interview. Which I think is a lie. But that’s me.

The judges say that Ray is actually tied with Nasr so he’s out next in fourth place. The judges mention his young age and the fact that he puts on a totally fake broadcaster voice which Cam imitates pretty well.

Third place is Chris. The judges loved his questions and appreciated that he seems to take their criticisms and apply them to making his work better. My heart grew three sizes watching this. Okay maybe a half a size.

It comes down to Matty D and Andrew. Both had great interviews on very different levels. Second place goes to: Matty D. He gets called out for going over his seven minutes by 8 seconds. But at least he thinks he looked great on camera.

Which means first place belongs to Andrew. The judges could not have more amazing things to say. Cam mentions that during an official Score interview with Bissonnette they failed to get as much from him as Andrew got. Greg says that his questions were sometimes uncomfortable but maybe that’s needed. Renee says she really took a lot from the interview. AND Renee compares him to Oprah!!

Next week the guys are doing Live at The Score and some tidbits (although probably lies like the Bissonnette teasers!) are: sabotage! non-meshing! brutality! someone who isn’t ready! 

____

Bianca Teixeira writes about bunches of things. Follow her on Twitter at @BeeLauraTee.

For more, follow us on Twitter @TorontoStandard and subscribe to our newsletter.


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