Before you go all nutty asking why a self-described style writer is doing the recaps for Gillette’s Drafted, a show that is searching for “Canada’s next sportscaster,” you should know that I’m an old hand at this. I recapped the entire third season on a blog last year and it was beloved by people at The Score and Gilette. Well…. it was acknowledged and free from critisism by them. Which is practically the same! Plus, it’s basically Canada’s Next Top Model but with more sports references and less crumple poses. Boo.
If you watched last season (the first to actually be televised) you’ll know that the winner, my girl Jackie Redmond, won the competition by kicking ass in challenges and impressing the judging panel made up of Greg Sansone, Renee Paquette, and Cam Stewart. This year the format is a little different. Instead of having twelve guys and girls partaking in challenges and getting eliminated one by one every episode, we get six contestants who do challenges but don’t get sent home until the last episode when viewer votes determine the winner. No dramatic rose ceremony? Boo again.
But anyway, at the beginning of the episode we’re introduced to the six finalists: Nate, Andrew, Ray, Chris, Matt and Nasr. Two things bug me already: 1. Apparently the ladies didn’t bring it this season and 2. Since they’re about to show the tryouts and boot camp that hopefuls across Canada went through, I wish they didn’t spoil the big reveal already.
And holy hell is the search ever grueling. The theme of this year’s search (which blessedly has been moved up to 6pm on The Score from 11pm last year) is style, in that they want the winner to have a unique, personal one. We’re forced to sit through awkward auditions from malls across our nation where men and women talk directly to the camera and tell us why they deserve to be Drafted. Proclamations like “I’m a rancher,” “I have the looks,” “I’m a soccer girl,” “The Leafs need to win a Stanley Cup” are melded together with people who rap, go on about nothing, or just plain don’t understand the question. Jackie gets in a few one-on-one questions with guys while they shave (‘cuz it’s sponsored by Gillette, natch) and wow it’s embarrassing. After declaring themselves sports experts, the few that are shown can’t name the teams of players Jackie offers up and can’t remember who faced off in the World Series or NCAA Championships. And I counted at least three who convinced themselves that Brett Lawrie is a hockey player. Ouch.
Next up is boot camp. Twenty-four people (including three women) are sent to The Score’s newsroom to go through a rigorous two day challenge. Again, this would be so much more enjoyable to watch if I didn’t already know who the finalists are, but at least I can keep an eye on them to see if they’re really top choice. First the 24 guys and gals have to run through an obstacle course made up of a teleprompter read, a highlights package and a sit down chat with Jackie.
As someone who had to read off a teleprompter in school for a live news broadcast, I can vouch that it is hard as hell. Everyone flubs a line or two, and that’s understandable. It’s the movement I can’t stand. Guys are moving their hands and torsos like they’re competing in a rap battle. Everyone is over gesturing and it makes me uncomfortable to watch. Plus there’s a guy with an old-timey mustache, thick frame glasses, and a knit hat. More accessories next time.
The second part of this two-day hell hole mixes physical with mental tests. If I were a part of these try outs, I’d take one look at that exercise bike and scram. That’s right, exercise bike. As in these people had to go to town on an exercise bike, do a vertical jump, as many pushups as possible within 30 seconds and touch their toes all while being pounded with sports questions. Some were legitmately difficult asking to name teams in championships from different years while others were kind of hilarious. Example: Would you rather lick the armpit of a football player after a game or have a nail torn off. I’m with the Australian girl… I’d hate to sacrifice a nail.
Quick Note: Last year I spent no time trying to learn the names of the contestants so instead gave them nicknames like “Fancy Pants” and “Babyface.” However, after being contacted by “Serial Killer Eyes” to say that he didn’t appreciate his nickname, I’ve made note of the top six contenders’ names.
Finally we get to see how our boys are doing: Chris Ross (a dead ringer for SNL’s Bill Hader) has a genuine love for sports and was able to talk comfortably with Jackie at the mic. Nate Jurgens, the ‘come back kid’ from last year’s Drafted try outs, is nice enough to look at and seems down to earth. Once he figures out which camera to look at while talking diary-style, I might have a favourite. Ray Lontoc, who allegedly shaved but still has a 5 o’clock shadow and Mad Men hair, isn’t all that memorable or note-worthy (according to my notes). Andrew Damelin, a married guy with a sense of humour, is another familiar face from last year having missed the Toronto try outs and flying to Calgary to be seen. Nasr Ahmed, with the most aggressive eyebrows I’ve ever seen, did a great job on prompter after practicing in the hallway. And finally Matt ‘Joker Grin’ Drappel, who didn’t even use or need notes to report on highlights.
The last few minutes of the show were a little confusing. We’re shown quick scenes of a trip to Boston, friendships, rivalry, tears, and even police sirens but I didn’t hear a “Next week on Drafted.” Are we not going to be shown the clearly overwhelming Boston trip? Is it going to be like the hotel scenes from last year where we hear all about them but don’t ever get to see them? How many episodes do I have to watch until I get to see why Cam Stewart says “This is a disaster!”? Will Tim Micallef make an appearance again and satisfy my weird crush?
Come back next week for another Gillette Drafted recap. Until then, vote for your favourite guy at Drafted.ca or on Twitter.
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Bianca Teixeira writes about style and other things obviously for Toronto Standard. Follow her on Twitter at @BeeLauraTee.
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