August 1, 2014
July 31, 2014
Provincial government shows off proposed $100-million Ontario Place transformation
Do Make Say Think, August 1-3
Standard Interviews: Robin Molloy of Descendants Beer and Beverage Co
July 30, 2014
Whether it’s on Simcoe or Adelaide, the city’s new bike lanes are being misused
TIFF announces this year’s Midnight Madness lineup
Best Thing on the Internet Today: Portraits of the Miss Americas of Yore
I feel pretty, oh so pretty

If Miss America were a ghost, she’d be an ectoplasmic mist.

If Miss America were an animal, she’d be an albino peacock

If Miss America were a piece of technology, she’d be the Windows Phone 7.

If Miss America were an exercise, she’d be Zumba

If Miss America were a cheese, she’d be boursin

If Miss America were a colour, she’d be Palest Pistachio

If Miss America were an infection, she’d be a UTI

If Miss America were a shoe store, she’d be Browns

If Miss America were a Halloween costume, she’d be a sexy bee

If Miss America were a Mad Men character, she’d be Betty. Duh.

If Miss America were my mother, I’d probably have a lot of issues.

[Covers from the Miss America pageants - via These Americans]

—–
‚ĶJessica Carroll is the Toronto Standard’s “Best Thing on the Internet Today” columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @jssckr.

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandardand subscribe to our newsletter

 

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