September 18, 2014
September 18, 2014
Rob Ford issues audio statement while waiting to undergo treatment for his cancerous abdonmenal mass
The TTC promises to fix the new streetcar’s pronunciation of “Spadina”
Take Me to Church: a Torontonian’s look at an Irish music festival
A group is crowdfunding a new bus route from Liberty Village to Union Station
September 17, 2014
A new Toronto made app wants to change how you make and listen to playlists
Best Thing on the Internet Today: Portraits of the Miss Americas of Yore
I feel pretty, oh so pretty

If Miss America were a ghost, she’d be an ectoplasmic mist.

If Miss America were an animal, she’d be an albino peacock

If Miss America were a piece of technology, she’d be the Windows Phone 7.

If Miss America were an exercise, she’d be Zumba

If Miss America were a cheese, she’d be boursin

If Miss America were a colour, she’d be Palest Pistachio

If Miss America were an infection, she’d be a UTI

If Miss America were a shoe store, she’d be Browns

If Miss America were a Halloween costume, she’d be a sexy bee

If Miss America were a Mad Men character, she’d be Betty. Duh.

If Miss America were my mother, I’d probably have a lot of issues.

[Covers from the Miss America pageants - via These Americans]

—–
‚ĶJessica Carroll is the Toronto Standard’s “Best Thing on the Internet Today” columnist. Follow her on Twitter at @jssckr.

For more, follow us on Twitter at @torontostandardand subscribe to our newsletter

 

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